Dear Journal,
I realized something tonight, and I would be a very ungrateful child if I didn't acknowledge my blessings. I've been praying so earnestly for months now that I could at least have a friend that can understand me and that would love me for who I am. I have felt deep moments of despair as I've thought that there couldn't possibly be anyone that would. Tonight I spent the evening with two great girls that couldn't make me happier or feel more loved than they do. I went over to Heather Colbert's aunt's house, where she's currently living, and Austi Stenson was there too. We just helped Heather redo her bedroom and then watched "Ramona and Beezus" together. I feel like I haven't done a single thing to deserve either of their friendships, largely due to the fact that I've given up a bit on life outside of my home, and yet they give me all the love a girl could ever ask for in a friend. Heather always invites me to do things with her and always makes a point to tell me how much she loves hanging out with me and how much she loves me.
I realized on my drive home tonight from her house that she is an answer to my prayers. I had a conversation with her about a week ago that also gave me a glimmer of hope. We talked about how we both just want to find a guy that will not make us feel like we need to lower our standards. We talked about how we both want to keep high standards, and we don't want to have to compromise them for anything or anyone. It was amazing to me as we were talking because I realized that she truly did understand what I have gone through my whole life with trying to maintain high standards and yet trying to fit in at the same time. She wasn't like that until just recently, after she returned from her mission, so she hasn't really dealt with it her whole life, but she is dealing with it now.
I've grown accustom to me always being different than everyone else. My standards and not just guidelines or rules to live by for me any more- they are a way of life. I don't listen to music that talks about drugs, drinking, sex, immorality, immodesty, has vulgar language, or that has a beat that would drive the Spirit away. I try not to watch movies that have those things in them too, although I'm not as good at those. I don't talk about those things either. I try to do everything in my life that would invite the Spirit to be with me so that I will be ready to respond to the Lord's commands to help someone in need at any given moment. That's really what this life is all about. It's kind of a fun game to play. If you are looking for and seeking and praying for opportunities to help someone, the Lord will give you those opportunities. He will give you PLENTY of those opportunities. That's kind of what's happened in my life lately. I've been surrounded by people that need help- people that specifically need my help. The problem was that I wasn't as prepared as I hoped I would be. My faith is still being tested- or more my hope is being tested. I allowed myself to despair and to lose hope instead of being positive and cheerful. That is something that I will be working on for eternity I'm sure. It's a hard thing for me to remain aloof from the stresses of life in general, but I know that by the grace of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I will eventually be able to. I will be able to face them with greater faith and hope.
Love,
Chels
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